omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
