So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i think i just lost a toe
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
