they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
