On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
