I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
