I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
