Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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