need another drink. this is the easiest way
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
