Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
