we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
