You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
