i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
