Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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