just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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