I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
