well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
