I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
