Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
