I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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