i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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