I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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