I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
