I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
