woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
