Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
