I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
