Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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