you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
