Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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