dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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