Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
