get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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