Ambien. No doubt about it.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
