Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
