the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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