In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
