Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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