When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
