does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
