the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
