i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
