Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
