The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
