we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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