Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
