Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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