You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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