My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
