I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
NoShamevember. You game?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
