Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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