This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
