i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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