Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
