im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
