she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We need to get me chipped asap
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
