Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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