Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
