if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
