Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
