I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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