Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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